• Kevin Patton

Fifteen Minutes of Tenderness

Updated: Sep 17, 2019


​This is another exercise designed as a conduit to feeling safe and to being able to experience loving touch again, while letting go of the anxiety of allowing your partner into your space.

You and your partner sit comfortably, both facing in the same direction – for example, you could be sitting on the sofa with your partner at your feet. Remove eyeglasses, jewellery and watches, and maybe loosen sleeves. Grab a hairbrush and /or comb.

The person sitting behind begins to stroke the other’s hair (with brush, fingers, comb, as desired.) If you partner is bald, use soft touch, perhaps with lotion. Generally, slow, long gentle motions are preferred. If the receiver is uncomfortable, one hand can be placed on giver's hand and new instructions can be given (i.e. less pressure, or switch the comb for a brush).

Proceed to brush and caress the hair, in silence, for at least 10-15 minutes. See how tenderly you can do this simple task for your partner. When done, the person brushing the hair can give a "goodbye" pat to the hair.

If comfortable, you can comment on the exercise. For example, "Your hair is so soft," or "I felt pampered." Don't be critical. For example rather than, "You are a bit heavy-handed," comment about liking the lighter touches.

To complete the exercise, partners switch roles. This may be done immediately following the first set, or postponed to a later agreed-upon time within a few days.


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