When you feel distressed
Updated: Sep 17, 2019
STOPP! Stop, take a breath, don't react automatically
What am I reacting to?
What is it that's really pushing my buttons here?
What is it that I think is going to happen here?
What's the worst (and best) that could happen? What's most likely to happen?
Am I getting things out of proportion?
How important is this really? How important will it be in 6 months time?
What harm has actually been done?
Am I expecting something from this person or situation that is unrealistic?
Am I overestimating the danger?
Am I underestimating my ability to cope?
Am I using that negative filter? Looking at life through gloomy specs? Is there another way of looking at it?
What advice would I give to someone else in this situation?
Am I spending time ruminating about the past or worrying about the future? What could I do right now that would help me feel better?
Am I putting more pressure on myself, setting up expectations of myself that are almost impossible? What would be more realistic?
Am I mind-reading what others might be thinking?
Am I believing I can predict the future?
Is there another way of looking at this?
What advice would I give someone else in this situation?
Am I putting more pressure on myself?
Just because I feel bad, doesn't mean things really are bad.
Am I jumping to conclusions about what this person meant? Am I mis-reading between the lines? Is it possible that they didn't mean that?
Am I exaggerating the good aspects of others, and putting myself down? Or am I
exaggerating the negative and minimising the positives? How would someone else see it? What’s the bigger picture?
Things aren’t either totally white or totally black – there are shades of grey. Where is this on the spectrum?
This is just a reminder of the past. That was then, and this is now. Even though this memory makes me feel upset, it’s not actually happening again right now.
What do I want or need from this person or situation? What do they want or need from me? Is there a compromise?
What would be the consequences of responding the way I usually do?
Is there another way of dealing with this? What would be the most helpful and effective action to take? (for me, for the situation, for the other person)